How I feel About My New Boobs
By the time you read this post I will be exactly 2 weeks ‘post op’.
There is so much I could tell you – from the day I went in until now there has been so much – but I want to focus today specifically on the feelings and emotions that I’ve been feeling this week.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the physical operation and recovery period of that has been a cake walk compared to the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve experienced.
It’s difficult to know where to even begin this blog post because there has been no start, middle and end. It’s been emotional the whole time and I know it will continue to be – but I’ll do my best to put it into words.
I didn’t feel much for the first couple of days after I got home. I was still wiped from the anaesthesia and – would you believe it, we had our car written off on the journey home! Meaning I had to return to hospital an hour after being discharged. Luckily, we were fine – it was just a shock, and I’m sure didn’t do me any favours but, no further damage caused.
I felt very neutral about the whole thing.
As I got stronger, I started to notice things.
I went for a walk around the block, and I felt like my arms were really long. Sounds weird I know – but I felt Gollum like as I walked and realised that my posture had changed already. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that I realised; it’s because I used to walk with my arms crossed over my chest.
If I didn’t have a coat on or something baggy enough to hide them, I walked with my arms folded a lot to conceal and support my chest. It feels so weird to me that I could now just walk – with my arms by my sides. I had nothing to hide, and no need cover up.
I won’t use this space to delve into why I thought that in the first place. I will save that for therapy. But nonetheless, I really felt that.
The first time I showered was a surreal moment.
It was the day I had the dressings removed, and for the first time I could see my new breasts in their gory, I mean, glory…
I am not squeamish at all, so I wasn’t bothered by it in that sense, but what I thought was interesting is that I hadn’t even once thought about ‘my old breasts’. They hadn’t even crossed my mind. This already felt like
As I was in the shower, I noticed that even though I had restricted movement from the operation – it wouldn’t always be like that. It would go away, and I would be able to move properly. I felt a sudden wave of ‘this is your body. This is the body you were meant to have’.
I felt immediately guilty for thinking that. I know that – had I not have been able to afford to undergo safely this procedure, I would still be in my old body and I was incredibly privileged to be able to even be here – but I still felt it. I still sat with it.
And I still believe it.
I feel like I’ve had two growths removed.
After that first shower, I sat at my dressing table and cried with relief. This recovery period is going as well as I think it can go, and as of that moment I knew it would change my life. I felt so excited, grateful, and peaceful.
After my next shower – things started to normalise. I sat at my dressing table once again and looked in the mirror. I can see parts of my torso I’ve never been able to see when looking in the mirror. My breasts are no longer draining my energy. I felt incredibly free.
I think this is important because – physically speaking, I am far from recovered. I am still wearing a compression garment, compression stockings, I can’t bend forward, I still have bleeding, scabbing, stitches to come out – there is still a way to go. But I don’t care. Mentally – I’m free from where I was and I feel genuinely so excited about being me in this body.
Nothing about ‘me’ has changed and yet everything feels like it could change.
There’s a highlight reel on the SMW Instagram page if you want to check over all the updates I’ve done – for now, I’m resting up, getting stronger and probably going shopping soon because nothing fits!