Why I'm Getting A Breast Reduction (apart from the obvious, my boobs are massive)
I was 14 when I first realised I had bigger than average boobs. I was on the cross country team and I remember telling my Dad that some of the boys in my school had come watch me try out. He laughed at said 'I wonder why' whilst giving the 'look' to reference my chest. My next experience was when I was on work experience and I had been sent out to fetch some drinks/lunch. I walked past a horrible guy who said 'bouncy bouncy'! as I walked past. I remember feeling disgusted and looking in the reflection of a shop window. I mean - as gross as he was, he was right. They were big and they definitely were bouncy.
I started to realise then that I would need a more supportive bra than the ones most shops could offer me. I would have to go and measured. The first time I got measured I was a G cup.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties - having big boobs was no bad thing. The attention a pair like mine got - it helped when you were a poor blonde woman just trying to get by! Free drinks, free taxis - I definitely exploited men. For the most part, I was treated horribly by men, so if letting them tell me they liked blondes with big tits meant they wouldn't get mad then fine. I let it happen and enjoyed some of the perks. The perks not being my boobs - cups that large don't stay perky for long!
I am certain I don't need to tell you this but - I'm writing a blog post so obviously I will...not all attention was good. My word - I have been groped, grabbed, talked about as if I wasn't there...countless times. Most nicknames I've ever been gifted included the word 'tits'.
Men would tell me not to use the word 'breasts' because it wasn't sexy. Men would over sexualise me all of the time. I hated the fact that having large breasts had become part of my personality.
In my mid to late twenties, I really started to hate having large breasts. Not only for the experiences thus far - but the pain and discomfort really set in. By this point I had grown to an HH cup even at my slimmest - (going up to a J cup at my heaviest). Gravity had taken its toll. They are enormously heavy and if you're one of my female friends or an ex lover of mine, I have probably made you hold them up for me at least once for a bit of light relief.
I feel uncomfortable in so many positions. My breasts are painful most of the time, and they have started to affect the way I move around, the way I sleep and the way I engage in sexual acts.
I have some physical limitations now - caused by my disability, and having massive jugs doesn't help.
I have dips in my shoulders from my bras over the years - marks on my side where wired bras have cut me over and over, serious back pain, neck pain - and my breasts overall are incredibly uncomfortable and painful most of the time.
The fact that I've never really felt they were part of me, part of who I am - makes the decision to have them reduced even easier.
When I was 27 I went for a consultation and they did put me off by asking me a lot of questions about whether I wanted kids. I didn't know if I did or not - and they advised me to wait.
For those wondering - you can have a breast reduction if you don't yet have children and do want to in the future; the reason they advise to wait until you know is so they can explain the implications of breast feeding. In most cases - you can still breast feed, but there are some risks and you might want to know where the land lies before deciding.
The original surgeon I went to unsettled me, charged me a lot of money just to talk to him and made the whole thing feel like a sales pitch.
I decided having a reduction was probably not going to happen and tried to forget about it.
During lockdown - I started thinking about it again. I'd focused on my body a lot - learning and unlearning. Trying to reach body neutrality, which for the most part, I have; but my breasts still remained a literal big issue for me.
I found a surgeon I really liked after some research, and we go ahead on 16th September.
I can't begin to describe how much I'm looking forward to having this done. It's going to be a huge emotional and physical change for me but I am ready.
I've done a bit of a Q&A over on the @socialmodelwomen instagram so if you're curious and want to find out more, head over!
I will update when I am one week post op (providing all goes smoothly...).